It's time to let go

2020 was a really rough and tough year. From rewriting normal as we know it, to unexpectedly losing loved ones. Everyone has something bad they can say about 2020. If there's one thing I took out of 2020, it is that 'tomorrow is not guaranteed to anyone'. All you have is today. 

I will repeat again. Tomorrow is not guaranteed to anyone. With that being said, as we start 2021, may it be a year that we make the best of the time we have. The time we have to be our best towards ourselves and those around us. 

It is time to let go of the guilt in your heart. If you have any guilt, then go ahead and deal with it. Apologise if you have to apologise. Come clean if you have to come clean. You never know how long you have in this world, or the next person. You only have now to live free. Many of us have walked around with guilty, anger, bitterness and 'what ifs' in our hearts. 

It's time to do things differently in 2021. Those things have eaten you inside for too long. It is time to face it. Bottling it clearly is not working. It is time to let go. Speak out if you have to. Say your feelings, thoughts and fears. If you have to let go of someone, do it. If you have to start a relationship, do it. If you cheated, come clean. It doesn't matter how bad or how good it is. Come clean. If there are things you wish you had said but didn't say them, 2021 is the time to say them. Say that "I love you", "I miss you", "I'm sorry".

Say it all. Free yourself from that prison.

Say it. Let it go. Let it out. Let it run.

WITH LOVE...

Mbuelo Ramafamba

FORGIVING

 Recently I have had days when I find myself reflecting deeper than before. Reflecting more on the self. And I have come to understand my strength, because of all the trials I have gone through. But something was missing. Trials are always there to teach us something. And sometimes they are there to challenge us and our beliefs.

The biggest challenge has been forgiveness and understanding the whole process of forgiveness. We all know forgiveness but we often forget and not forgive. Sometimes we may feel that someone has wronged us or hurt us too deeply that they do not deserve to be forgiven. By the question is, why do we forgive? 

Do we forgive based on how much pain we felt? Do we forgive based on the hurt we went through? Should others do the same too? Should there even be standard in forgiveness? Is forgiveness not a sign of love?

We are all human beings who want to be loved, yet we do not always show love in the form of forgiveness. Sometimes we create these standards and apply them to ourselves. We find that when others forgive us for our faults, we still go on bashing ourselves because we feel we had wronged the person too deep. Remorse is okay but regret can be very dangerous. When we set standards, we create regret each time within us whenever we are forgiven by other, and this results in us trying to always avoid the mistake we made before. And in the end, we attract that same mistake we are trying not to do.

The worst is when one has done themselves wrong. In life we all make stupid decisions which come back to haunt us. But if we put standards on forgiveness, we fail also to forgive ourselves. We sit deep in regret, hate and anger towards ourselves and end up withdrawing ourselves from other people because we think they feel the same way about us. We think they think we stupid, lost, foolish, dirty or broken. And this is because we fail to understand, that forgiveness is simply an act of love. It is acknowledging that a wrong has been done, and then letting go of it, regardless of how deep it was. When you start measuring depth, you start digging a pit for yourself. 

So in the end, this may trickle down to our faith/spiritual life. And this is something I have personally gone through. I had forgiveness standards myself. If someone hurt me too much, I felt they needed to earn my forgiveness and not get it so easy. And yet I was a sinner. And the same standards I had for others, were the same ones I set for myself and believed God wanted. Even when forgiven, I always felt too dirty and undeserving of God's forgiveness. And this created a huge distance between me and God.

That was until I realised something:

"We forgive others out of love, not out of the level or depth of hurt. Just as we were forgiven out of love.

And we love regardless of if others deserve it. Just as we were loved when we least deserved it."

Learn to forgive other, and it will make it easier for you to accept forgiveness from others and also from yourself.

WITH LOVE...

Mbuelo Ramafamba

IT IS OKAY TO PUT YOURSELF FIRST

Throughout life, we meet people. Sometimes we meet people and fall deeply in love. We let go of ourselves. We neglect ourselves to make sure the other person is taken care of. We go all out to make the person happy. But we forget one thing; we cannot control the other person. And this is where all the problems starts.

We often neglect even our dreams or to dedicate time to build ourselves because we do not want to rob the other person of our time. But sometimes the other person doesn't even care. We may do all we do, but at the end of the day, we should never have expectations.

In fact it would be very wise to put ourselves first. In this current generation, putting someone first is one of the biggest mistake a person can make. It doesn't matter how much you love a person, but putting them first is a big mistake. When you put someone first, they start feeling entitled to all that you give, and eventually start taking you for granted. It is very unhealthy.

Take time to work on yourself. Put yourself first and make sure you work hard towards your dreams. The fastest way to destroy yourself is to put someone else first. Because no one will put you first.
It doesn't matter if it is a friend, or a partner. Put yourself first. Save yourself all the pain.

WITH LOVE...

THE SHADOW MAY BE HUGE, BUT YOUR FEAR SHOULDN'T

Life throws at us all sort of curve balls. Many situations arise each and every day against us. Some bring fear. Some bring despair. Some seem very real. And for some, we see through the act. There are days when we can easily overcome mountains and there are days when we tremble and lose hope at the sight of some mountains. We often look at the inclines, cliffs and edgy parts of the stones and then think of how things could go wrong. We lose sight on what could go right.

Most of the things we face in this life are just shadows. I would love to believe everything is in fact just a shadow. No matter how big it may be, it is all a shadow. And the trick that life plays on us, is that very often, the shadow isn't a true reflection of it's owner. There's a lot of trickery involved in the whole thing. Many shadows seem very huge while the force behind it is very tiny.

Before running away from a shadow, first find out its source. Many times you will be surprised when you find out it is a very tiny force. Do not always assume that a problem is huge because fro far it looks huge. Get closer and dissect it. Get deeper into it and understand it. Only when you focus on the source, will shadows stop making you tremble.

The shadow may be huge, but your fear shouldn't.

WITH LOVE...
Mbuelo Ramafamba

Broken Souls Break Souls

It is a world of broken souls
You break me I break you
They get me I get you
And the breaking continues

Tears keep flowing each day
And the water the tree of hate
Hate and vengeful thinking
And the tree bears fruits of pain
Which someone else will have to swallow

Why can't the tears water hope
Why not bring new life from them
Why not end the chain of sorrow

I guess it is true
Broken souls break souls
And break themselves more while at it

PUT IT ALL DOWN AND UNDO THE DAMAGE

It has been long since I last posted. And a lot has happened since. I have come to realise something that has been holding me back for so long that might also be holding some of you. The Past. Many of us who have been through painful times at the hands of someone, may think we have moved on and feel like we have moved on. In our minds, we are convinced we have moved on because we no longer think of the past.We feel we have moved on because we no longer sit down and cry about it.

However, this is a very deadly trap that will always have the past repeating itself. The reality is that, letting go of the past is not just about letting go of the pain and the memories of someone or something. One can completely forget about all these and leave them behind, while having not moved on. The biggest sign for me, was in my failure to appreciate what I currently had in life. As much as I had forgotten about the past and "moved on", there was something that was still wrong with me. When we experience things in our life, they change who we are for better or for worse. When you go through a bad experience, there is a lot that happens to your character and sense of being, which often remains behind long after we have forgotten about the painful experiences. And it is this, that was making me not realise what I had.

Due to past transgressions by others against me, my faith in humanity was very low. And as much as I had moved on, I hadn't fixed the damage that was done. It took me making mistakes and close calls with death, to realise that I needed to reflect on my life and what I had. It was then that I realised that as much as I thought I had moved on, I hadn't fixed the damage done by the past. And this is the one thing haunting many of us today. We try to forget about painful experiences and think we have moved on, while having not fixed the damage done. Some major signs of having not moved on include insecurities, lack of self-esteem/self-worth, settling etc. When you find yourself having "moved on", but without the same lively spirit that you had before, it is a sign that you have forgotten but not moved on.

Take off the memories, pains, damage and experiences you go through. Make sure you undo all the damage. Do not let it change who you are. Take it all off and leave it in the past. Only then will you experience the true freedom of moving on. 

WITH LOVE...
Mbuelo Ramafamba

BE KIND AND PRAY TO NOT BE A HASHTAG

Early this morning on my way to work, something happened that made me realise that often times we forget about true happiness and peace. In the quest to reach month end and feel financially secure, we sometimes forget how short life is. We forget that any day we can lose it all.

In South Africa, where crime is out of control, we are constantly reminded that it is all grace that we make it back home each day in one piece. Take time out today to appreciate those you love and those around you. Be kind to everyone, it won't cost you a single cent. In fact it will reward you with peace.

Each and every day when I walk through Johannesburg in the mornings and after work, I always pray that I make it back home unharmed, both emotionally and physically. Back in February, I went through a terrifying experience. Each day I give thanks for the life I have and I remind everyone how much they mean to me, because I have no idea as when I may walk out the door and never walk back.

Each day I pray that I am safe and never become a hashtag. It is sad seeing #JusticeForSuchAndSuch almost every week. I hope to never become a #JusticeForMbueloRamafamba.

Lord help us and keep us safe.

WITH LOVE...
Mbuelo Ramafamba

IN THE END YOU GIVE UP

This is the final piece on waiting. It is going to be a bit spiritual. I feel it is important that I share this with my fellow Christian brothers and sisters, however, anyone can learn something out of it.

Romans 12:12 - "Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation,be constant in prayer."

Psalm 27:14 - "Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord."

I have taken just these two scriptures amongst many. When we are faced with waiting in life and are impatient, a lot happens to us. We start asking questions and questions lead to doubt. And if we often feel entitled and do not understand that world doesn't owe us anything, we tend to think to ourselves "Why Me?". 

Sometimes we pray hard to find answers but when the answers do not come, the "Why Me" becomes "God, Why Me?". We start thinking that God is not fair. We start looking for reasons to justify our views on why God is unfair. And in the end, we end up doubting the existence of God. Many walk away from the church/ places of worship because "God didn't answer their prayer, so why bother..".

I am here to tell you, do not give up. Often times we give up right when the answer is around the corner. See waiting as something that is meant to build you and your character instead of something bad. You can see the glass as half empty or as half full. The choice is yours.

WITH LOVE...

Mbuelo Ramafamba

NEW CHANGES

Greetings to all my readers. I have a small announcement to make. There will be a change to the update schedule. I will no longer be posting on specified days (Mon, Wed & Fri). I will now be posting any day. This is because I have to find time in between my day job to post and having specific days for posting is not really a good idea anymore since I may be swamped with work on some of those days. So I will try to be flexible in order for me to keep delivering content for all my readers.

WITH LOVE...
Mbuelo Ramafamba

TAKE RESPONSIBILTY

I will still be continuing on waiting even today, however, this might be the last post on waiting. It is more focused on the feelings we go through when waiting.

The human mind is not good at handling stressful situations. Desperation can drive each human crazy in the quest to find the root cause or a solution of the current state of affairs. It is also human nature to not want to be wrong. This is very evident when one becomes impatient because things aren't happening the way they thought they would.

The first defense is always to find something or someone to blame. It often becomes a habit wherein one will never want to face anything head on but instead choose to blame everyone around them. This does not help in anyway, besides making the waiting much longer because life works that way; if you do not own up to your mistakes, it will be very hard on you.

At first people may put up to it, but eventually everyone gets tired. In the end, everyone decides they have had enough. It is in that moment where many implode because they are now forced to face everything without anyone around to blame. They had the chance to take responsibility for their actions while people were there to support them, but they chose to instead blame the very same support structure. And when everyone is gone, life starts to be very unpleasant. Life always works like this. It will always force one to face their fault head on at one point. No matter how much you try to run away, you can never run away from it. While you wait, it is best to take responsibility and start fixing yourself because a time will come when you will have to face it all alone.

Stand up, admit your wrong, take responsibility and change your ways. Otherwise life will force you to in a very unpleasant way. You can only point a finger for as long as there's someone or something to point it to. But one day, the finger pointing will be of no use. Take responsibility now.

WITH LOVE...
Mbuelo Ramafamba

YOU ARE NOT OWED

Today's theme is still on waiting. Last time I did write that there was a lot to write about with regards to waiting. And I ended Wednesday's by telling you to be ready. Today I want to venture a bit more into readiness for what you are waiting for.

Life is not a fairy-tale and I believe most, if not all, of you know that. one doesn't just wish things to reality or throw a coin in a wishing well. Life will not always do what you want. And while you are waiting, it will often feel like life is completely against you. But life doesn't do what you wish for it to do. It usually reacts to what you do.

Complaining is the one thing that will make your waiting a bad experience. Unfortunately it is human nature to complain when things aren't happening our way. However, shift your attitude from on of feeling that life might have 'beef' against you, or someone else might and starting understanding +85% of the work is all you. Whether you blame someone or not, it won't change that fact. You have to own the moment and own your attitude.

Do not waste time feeling sorry and worrying about why it is taking so long. Take that time focusing on building yourself and growing as an individual. When the waiting gives you 99 reason why it is "unfair", "you are cursed", or any other reason why you should give up, give yourself 1 reason to hold on and wait patiently. Stick to the one reason. And when the wait is finally over, you will appreciate what you have been waiting for.

Remember, the world owes you nothing. You can cry and blame everyone for all you like, but at the end of the day you will have to face the music alone. At night when you are sleeping, you will wish you could turn back time and go back to that one moment and be patient. Your impatience today will come back to haunt you tomorrow, and it will have you waiting a whole lot longer than you would've waited now.

Learn to wait. The world owes you nothing.

WITH LOVE...
Mbuelo Ramafamba

YOU'VE GOT TO BURN

Today I will be carrying on with the theme on waiting. I feel there's a lot to say about the experience of waiting which I unfortunately cannot fit into one post. So please bare with me.

The one thing that is common in everyone who is waiting is need. We wait because we need something. I am not referring to waiting for a person, though you can wait for a person whom you need.I am referring to waiting for something to happen that you feel will better your life. There's always a burning desire/need that fuels the waiting. Either you are waiting for a job, a start-up funder etc, the reality is there is a need behind all the waiting.

How deep the desire is, will influence the emotions you go through while you wait. If you are in deep need, it will always feel like a lifetime. But one thing you have to understand is that, if you really need something and you value it that much, then you will have to burn for it. There's no other way besides burning. You have to burn and burn you shall.

The mistake many make is decide to try something else and forget about what they have been waiting for, because they can't take the heat of waiting. If it is really worth much for you, you will burn for it. You sit in that furnace and wait patiently. I too have been in situations wherein quitting felt like a better option. It seemed like things were falling apart. But sometimes things have to fall apart for you to appreciate what is to come. If you didn't have to wait and burn, you wouldn't value it.

It doesn't end in waiting though. You have to be a visionary while you wait. Envision the wait coming to an end. What will you need to better take advantage of whatever you are waiting for. In what circumstances must you be in? Just as a fighter trains hard for a big fighter, you too need to ready yourself for what you are waiting for. Otherwise you will squander it. Sometimes it won't arrive until you have prepared yourself enough. You need to need to be prepared for it.

WITH LOVE...
Mbuelo Ramafamba

THE ART OF WAITING

The past couple of months have been a big test for me. I have been tested and pushed to my limits. But most importantly, it was my patience that was being tested in order to make me a better person. And it made me realise one about myself which I have also noted in other people as well. People hate waiting.

When I took time off from writing, I had reached a point wherein I knew I wasn't going to be able to produce anything of value, and also to make all the readers wait. But let's focus on what waiting entails. I used to think waiting simply meant that if for example someone says I will come at 5, I had to sit there till they arrived. I was completely wrong.

Waiting is not about being able to 'wait' till something or someone arrives. The bigger part and lesson to waiting is the battle that starts brewing within. It more about what you do while you wait. Pay attention to what you do when you wait. Often times when we have to wait for prolonged periods, our faith is tested. It is the true test of waiting. Our reaction to the waiting gets worse with time. And often times we give up on the waiting because "we have waited for too long".

What I found was that once you get over all that inner fighting, impatience, grumbling and anger, you start to not be aware much of the fact that you are waiting and focus more on that you are on a journey and each journey has a destination. Once you shift your mindset, you start seeing things from a different and more beautiful angle.

Next time you have to wait for weeks, months or even years, remember that how you react can determine if whatever you are waiting for arrives to find you or arrives to find you gone.

WITH LOVE...
Mbuelo Ramafamba

TAKING A BREAK

Allow me to apologise for having not posted anything the past week. Unfortunately, a lot has been happening lately. A lot of personal stuff, as well as work has kept me very busy. Emotionally and mentally, a lot has been happening too.

We are often so busy with things in life that we forget to rest. I need to look after myself if I am to carry on writing more articles on InfiEarth and InfiCoding. This is why I have decided to take a break for this month and recoup. I really need a break to sit down, reflect and make plans. We all need that Pause every now and then when it calls for it.

My apologies to all readers.

WITH LOVE...
Mbuelo Ramafamba

Lost In The World

Will it ever end?
Will things ever change?

This I ask myself each day
Seeing the rot that has invaded our world
The violence and wars of words
People gunning for each other's heads
And yet we say we the ultimate species.

How mankind has fallen
Hypocrisy has become our daily bread
I point you and you don't point me
I blame you but you don't blame me
But if you have money I defend you
And if it fails I destroy you
Unless you pay me to stand back
People have become worshipers of money

Spit on me and do as you please if the price is right
We have put a price tag upon our souls
For money we neglect our own homes
We forsake those that love us for those that pay us
Placing to much value on money

But what if one day all this money vanished?
What if one day all the social media went offline?
What if one day all you had left was you?
What would you be?
Would you be happy?
Or would you be someone that once lived?
Are you anything without all these things you worship?

SEARCH UNTIL YOU FIND YOU

When I first started this blogsite, I never thought I would be writing this much or getting as many views as I get. But our world is infinite and there's so much to write about. The one thing that has kept me coming back with new articles each time, is the joy of discovering myself.

Everything I write here, is either something I've been through, going through or part of me discovering myself. Sometimes I write something here which then reveals so much to me about myself. Sometimes I go back and read old posts which also help me through certain situations. But when I started, I never knew it would be this big. I never thought I could use my blog as a reference during tough times, as well as recommend it to others as well. But all you see in here is a young man discovering himself and his place in an infinite world, that's been broken.

Finding yourself is something I recommend to everyone. You won't find your complete self because everyday you will discover something new. As long as you keep searching from within, you will go from strength to strength. Just as I started this with one post, then stopped posting, to current state of being able to constantly write and post; such growth is possible for anyone. All you have to do is observe yourself, acknowledge you are incomplete, and then go on a journey to be the best you can be. Go on a journey to discover yourself. Along that journey you will discover bits and pieces which will combine to make you a much better person.

Don't get too comfortable. There is so much more you can achieve.

WITH LOVE...
Mbuelo Ramafamba

WE ALL HAVE A HISTORY

Everyone has a history. It might be bad, good or both. But we all have some sort of history, some of which we are proud of and some which we are not. Part it is all part of who we are. It is a chapter in the story of our life and will follow us forever. It tells of where we have been before, and not necessarily where we are now.

There those of us whom when we have a bad history, or a history we are not proud of, we face it head on. We look back and see what went wrong, accept that we did something wrong and try to do better. We accept that it is part of our story and will stick to us no matter where we go. We understand that when we tell our story, it will be part of it, because it is our history. We own our mistakes and try to do better. And when you do that, you are not afraid of your history. It is not some boogeyman you are constantly scared will come out.

But there those who just try to shove it away and think it will just vanish and no longer become part of their lives. They do all they can to avoid it, even if it means lying to everyone about their past. They fail to understand that by accepting the past, it doesn't mean you are proud of it. We as humans are sometimes too proud to admit when we are wrong. We try to point fingers at others in order to avoid accepting our mistakes. We would rather be victims and blame others than own up to it. And when it fails, we try to run away from our past without dealing with it.

The truth is, when you are matured enough, you understand that your past just shows your mistakes which made you the better person whom you are today. It shows you've seen your wrongs and have changed to be a better person. You've learned from your mistakes. But to lie and try to hide your past is a sign of weakness. A sign that you didn't learn. A sign that you didn't change. And the worst thing about history is that it always comes back. The last thing you want is for your history to destroy something special you have today because you tried to hide through lies and scheming. When you accept it and are open about it, you live with no fear of it popping back up. It cannot be used against you.

Face your history and never lie about. Talk about it before someone else drops it like a bomb at the moment when you least expect it. When you are open about it, you are never scared of it being brought up because you have faced it. You cannot erase or rewrite your history through lies or running. You only get to write a new life by accepting your past, learning from it and doing things differently.

The truth shall set you free.

WITH LOVE...
Mbuelo Ramafamba

HOW EASY WE FORGET

Many of us live in the fast lane. Everything happens at a very fast pace. The job we do on a daily basis, hangouts etc, are all very intense and fast paced. But we just keep moving forward or going deeper. Very little do we sit down and just look at the light.

We are so deeply focused on everything that is going on in front of us that we are more likely to see what we lack, than what we have. We want to push hard and get that thing, secure that bag and make that big move. That is absolutely needed. We all have to work hard. We all have to achieve big. But the problem starts when we think that is the only thing that will make us happy. We place our whole definition of happiness on what we can achieve. It is something that has gotten hold of many of us, myself included.

But recently I was made to realise that even when I push myself and work hard towards something, I must always take a moment to appreciate the little things around me. The things that may not say to me "We need to be appreciated", but if I lost them, I wouldn't be the same nor happy even with all the money and assets the world can give. How easy we forget. How easy we forget about those around us, spend little time checking on their health, making a call to them, telling them we love them, cooking for them, giving them a hug etc. How easy we forget. We think we do not need these things, but these things are our foundation.

Nurture these people and the little things that come along with it. Appreciate life from the smallest thing, and when big things come, they will not change who you are. Our world is so caught up in the problems because we have all forgotten to appreciate what we already have. We too caught up in likes, follows, retweets and what we do not have and pay little attention to what we have. We do not see the blessings we already have.

How easy we forget.

WITH LOVE...
Mbuelo Ramafamba

WHAT COULD HAPPEN NEXT?

Everything in this life is about choices. We are always going to make choices. The choice to wake up. The choice not to. Life always gives you many choices. It also gives you the choice to sit down and say I have no choice. Each and everyone of the choices we make will influence the set of choices life offers to us next time. It will also have consequences. And that is the thing that is troubling.

It is very important to not rush to taking a decision each time. Even with the small choices, because there's always going to be an after effect. Sometimes we the effects come when we've forgotten about the choices we made. Always stop, even if it's for a second, and ask yourself "what could happen next if you made a certain choice".

If someone shouts at you, what could happen next if you shouted back? If someone cheated on you, what could happen if your cheated back? If someone lied to you what could happen next if you stopped trusting whatever they say? Every choice is always going to have an outcome. Very often, when in the moment, we never stop to think of the outcomes. We let the moment tell us what choices to make, sometimes leading to regret.

Every choice you make right now will affect your path of life, either instantly or some time in the future. Always pause, and ask yourself, "What could happen next?".

WITH LOVE...
Mbuelo Ramafamba

CHEATERS AND LIARS, AND WHY IT'S NOT A MISTAKE

Many of us have had that one person whom we loved so much but the person lied, cheated or did both. Often times when this happens the same person will come apologising saying it was a mistake. Allow me to explain why I feel someone who lies and/or cheats isn't really sorry if they say it was a mistake. In fact, that's an apology that's just meant to manipulate you

If you really want to understand it, try looking into the meaning of a mistake and what makes a mistake what it is. It is based more on being unaware of what should have been done correctly. So for it to be a mistake, the person must've been unaware.

Going back to the cheaters and liars, are they not aware of their acts? The person know they are in a relationship or married, yet they choose to go ahead  with it. They know the truth and are aware of the truth and choose to do it still. You can never make a mistake when you are well aware of your actions. They know the truth, and they know what they are doing, but because they do not value or respect you, they choose to go ahead with you. That is why they come back and say it was a mistake. How is it a mistake when you knew what you were doing was wrong and still did it? The only mistake in the whole thing is that they weren't aware that they might one day get caught. So if they say it was a mistake, you now know they are not apologising for what they did, but the fact that they got caught.

Also, they use the whole mistake excuse as a way to blackmail you to forgive and take them back. Often times, "it was a mistake" is followed by or meant to make you say something along the lines "Nobody is perfect. We all make mistakes". But the truth is lying and cheating is not a mistake, so do not go out there feeling guilty, because if you fall for it, you will never find out the truth and will be taken for a fool. The lies will never stop for as long as you fall for the "it was a mistake" excuse. It is okay to forgive, but even when you do, do not tell yourself it was a mistake. It was not a mistake. Accept that before you forgive, then you will truly forgive the person. Though I'd advice to forgive and let go.

WITH LOVE...
Mbuelo Ramafamba