FORGIVING

 Recently I have had days when I find myself reflecting deeper than before. Reflecting more on the self. And I have come to understand my strength, because of all the trials I have gone through. But something was missing. Trials are always there to teach us something. And sometimes they are there to challenge us and our beliefs.

The biggest challenge has been forgiveness and understanding the whole process of forgiveness. We all know forgiveness but we often forget and not forgive. Sometimes we may feel that someone has wronged us or hurt us too deeply that they do not deserve to be forgiven. By the question is, why do we forgive? 

Do we forgive based on how much pain we felt? Do we forgive based on the hurt we went through? Should others do the same too? Should there even be standard in forgiveness? Is forgiveness not a sign of love?

We are all human beings who want to be loved, yet we do not always show love in the form of forgiveness. Sometimes we create these standards and apply them to ourselves. We find that when others forgive us for our faults, we still go on bashing ourselves because we feel we had wronged the person too deep. Remorse is okay but regret can be very dangerous. When we set standards, we create regret each time within us whenever we are forgiven by other, and this results in us trying to always avoid the mistake we made before. And in the end, we attract that same mistake we are trying not to do.

The worst is when one has done themselves wrong. In life we all make stupid decisions which come back to haunt us. But if we put standards on forgiveness, we fail also to forgive ourselves. We sit deep in regret, hate and anger towards ourselves and end up withdrawing ourselves from other people because we think they feel the same way about us. We think they think we stupid, lost, foolish, dirty or broken. And this is because we fail to understand, that forgiveness is simply an act of love. It is acknowledging that a wrong has been done, and then letting go of it, regardless of how deep it was. When you start measuring depth, you start digging a pit for yourself. 

So in the end, this may trickle down to our faith/spiritual life. And this is something I have personally gone through. I had forgiveness standards myself. If someone hurt me too much, I felt they needed to earn my forgiveness and not get it so easy. And yet I was a sinner. And the same standards I had for others, were the same ones I set for myself and believed God wanted. Even when forgiven, I always felt too dirty and undeserving of God's forgiveness. And this created a huge distance between me and God.

That was until I realised something:

"We forgive others out of love, not out of the level or depth of hurt. Just as we were forgiven out of love.

And we love regardless of if others deserve it. Just as we were loved when we least deserved it."

Learn to forgive other, and it will make it easier for you to accept forgiveness from others and also from yourself.

WITH LOVE...

Mbuelo Ramafamba

IT IS OKAY TO PUT YOURSELF FIRST

Throughout life, we meet people. Sometimes we meet people and fall deeply in love. We let go of ourselves. We neglect ourselves to make sure the other person is taken care of. We go all out to make the person happy. But we forget one thing; we cannot control the other person. And this is where all the problems starts.

We often neglect even our dreams or to dedicate time to build ourselves because we do not want to rob the other person of our time. But sometimes the other person doesn't even care. We may do all we do, but at the end of the day, we should never have expectations.

In fact it would be very wise to put ourselves first. In this current generation, putting someone first is one of the biggest mistake a person can make. It doesn't matter how much you love a person, but putting them first is a big mistake. When you put someone first, they start feeling entitled to all that you give, and eventually start taking you for granted. It is very unhealthy.

Take time to work on yourself. Put yourself first and make sure you work hard towards your dreams. The fastest way to destroy yourself is to put someone else first. Because no one will put you first.
It doesn't matter if it is a friend, or a partner. Put yourself first. Save yourself all the pain.

WITH LOVE...

PUT IT ALL DOWN AND UNDO THE DAMAGE

It has been long since I last posted. And a lot has happened since. I have come to realise something that has been holding me back for so long that might also be holding some of you. The Past. Many of us who have been through painful times at the hands of someone, may think we have moved on and feel like we have moved on. In our minds, we are convinced we have moved on because we no longer think of the past.We feel we have moved on because we no longer sit down and cry about it.

However, this is a very deadly trap that will always have the past repeating itself. The reality is that, letting go of the past is not just about letting go of the pain and the memories of someone or something. One can completely forget about all these and leave them behind, while having not moved on. The biggest sign for me, was in my failure to appreciate what I currently had in life. As much as I had forgotten about the past and "moved on", there was something that was still wrong with me. When we experience things in our life, they change who we are for better or for worse. When you go through a bad experience, there is a lot that happens to your character and sense of being, which often remains behind long after we have forgotten about the painful experiences. And it is this, that was making me not realise what I had.

Due to past transgressions by others against me, my faith in humanity was very low. And as much as I had moved on, I hadn't fixed the damage that was done. It took me making mistakes and close calls with death, to realise that I needed to reflect on my life and what I had. It was then that I realised that as much as I thought I had moved on, I hadn't fixed the damage done by the past. And this is the one thing haunting many of us today. We try to forget about painful experiences and think we have moved on, while having not fixed the damage done. Some major signs of having not moved on include insecurities, lack of self-esteem/self-worth, settling etc. When you find yourself having "moved on", but without the same lively spirit that you had before, it is a sign that you have forgotten but not moved on.

Take off the memories, pains, damage and experiences you go through. Make sure you undo all the damage. Do not let it change who you are. Take it all off and leave it in the past. Only then will you experience the true freedom of moving on. 

WITH LOVE...
Mbuelo Ramafamba

YOU ARE NOT OWED

Today's theme is still on waiting. Last time I did write that there was a lot to write about with regards to waiting. And I ended Wednesday's by telling you to be ready. Today I want to venture a bit more into readiness for what you are waiting for.

Life is not a fairy-tale and I believe most, if not all, of you know that. one doesn't just wish things to reality or throw a coin in a wishing well. Life will not always do what you want. And while you are waiting, it will often feel like life is completely against you. But life doesn't do what you wish for it to do. It usually reacts to what you do.

Complaining is the one thing that will make your waiting a bad experience. Unfortunately it is human nature to complain when things aren't happening our way. However, shift your attitude from on of feeling that life might have 'beef' against you, or someone else might and starting understanding +85% of the work is all you. Whether you blame someone or not, it won't change that fact. You have to own the moment and own your attitude.

Do not waste time feeling sorry and worrying about why it is taking so long. Take that time focusing on building yourself and growing as an individual. When the waiting gives you 99 reason why it is "unfair", "you are cursed", or any other reason why you should give up, give yourself 1 reason to hold on and wait patiently. Stick to the one reason. And when the wait is finally over, you will appreciate what you have been waiting for.

Remember, the world owes you nothing. You can cry and blame everyone for all you like, but at the end of the day you will have to face the music alone. At night when you are sleeping, you will wish you could turn back time and go back to that one moment and be patient. Your impatience today will come back to haunt you tomorrow, and it will have you waiting a whole lot longer than you would've waited now.

Learn to wait. The world owes you nothing.

WITH LOVE...
Mbuelo Ramafamba

SEARCH UNTIL YOU FIND YOU

When I first started this blogsite, I never thought I would be writing this much or getting as many views as I get. But our world is infinite and there's so much to write about. The one thing that has kept me coming back with new articles each time, is the joy of discovering myself.

Everything I write here, is either something I've been through, going through or part of me discovering myself. Sometimes I write something here which then reveals so much to me about myself. Sometimes I go back and read old posts which also help me through certain situations. But when I started, I never knew it would be this big. I never thought I could use my blog as a reference during tough times, as well as recommend it to others as well. But all you see in here is a young man discovering himself and his place in an infinite world, that's been broken.

Finding yourself is something I recommend to everyone. You won't find your complete self because everyday you will discover something new. As long as you keep searching from within, you will go from strength to strength. Just as I started this with one post, then stopped posting, to current state of being able to constantly write and post; such growth is possible for anyone. All you have to do is observe yourself, acknowledge you are incomplete, and then go on a journey to be the best you can be. Go on a journey to discover yourself. Along that journey you will discover bits and pieces which will combine to make you a much better person.

Don't get too comfortable. There is so much more you can achieve.

WITH LOVE...
Mbuelo Ramafamba