It's time to let go

2020 was a really rough and tough year. From rewriting normal as we know it, to unexpectedly losing loved ones. Everyone has something bad they can say about 2020. If there's one thing I took out of 2020, it is that 'tomorrow is not guaranteed to anyone'. All you have is today. 

I will repeat again. Tomorrow is not guaranteed to anyone. With that being said, as we start 2021, may it be a year that we make the best of the time we have. The time we have to be our best towards ourselves and those around us. 

It is time to let go of the guilt in your heart. If you have any guilt, then go ahead and deal with it. Apologise if you have to apologise. Come clean if you have to come clean. You never know how long you have in this world, or the next person. You only have now to live free. Many of us have walked around with guilty, anger, bitterness and 'what ifs' in our hearts. 

It's time to do things differently in 2021. Those things have eaten you inside for too long. It is time to face it. Bottling it clearly is not working. It is time to let go. Speak out if you have to. Say your feelings, thoughts and fears. If you have to let go of someone, do it. If you have to start a relationship, do it. If you cheated, come clean. It doesn't matter how bad or how good it is. Come clean. If there are things you wish you had said but didn't say them, 2021 is the time to say them. Say that "I love you", "I miss you", "I'm sorry".

Say it all. Free yourself from that prison.

Say it. Let it go. Let it out. Let it run.

WITH LOVE...

Mbuelo Ramafamba

FORGIVING

 Recently I have had days when I find myself reflecting deeper than before. Reflecting more on the self. And I have come to understand my strength, because of all the trials I have gone through. But something was missing. Trials are always there to teach us something. And sometimes they are there to challenge us and our beliefs.

The biggest challenge has been forgiveness and understanding the whole process of forgiveness. We all know forgiveness but we often forget and not forgive. Sometimes we may feel that someone has wronged us or hurt us too deeply that they do not deserve to be forgiven. By the question is, why do we forgive? 

Do we forgive based on how much pain we felt? Do we forgive based on the hurt we went through? Should others do the same too? Should there even be standard in forgiveness? Is forgiveness not a sign of love?

We are all human beings who want to be loved, yet we do not always show love in the form of forgiveness. Sometimes we create these standards and apply them to ourselves. We find that when others forgive us for our faults, we still go on bashing ourselves because we feel we had wronged the person too deep. Remorse is okay but regret can be very dangerous. When we set standards, we create regret each time within us whenever we are forgiven by other, and this results in us trying to always avoid the mistake we made before. And in the end, we attract that same mistake we are trying not to do.

The worst is when one has done themselves wrong. In life we all make stupid decisions which come back to haunt us. But if we put standards on forgiveness, we fail also to forgive ourselves. We sit deep in regret, hate and anger towards ourselves and end up withdrawing ourselves from other people because we think they feel the same way about us. We think they think we stupid, lost, foolish, dirty or broken. And this is because we fail to understand, that forgiveness is simply an act of love. It is acknowledging that a wrong has been done, and then letting go of it, regardless of how deep it was. When you start measuring depth, you start digging a pit for yourself. 

So in the end, this may trickle down to our faith/spiritual life. And this is something I have personally gone through. I had forgiveness standards myself. If someone hurt me too much, I felt they needed to earn my forgiveness and not get it so easy. And yet I was a sinner. And the same standards I had for others, were the same ones I set for myself and believed God wanted. Even when forgiven, I always felt too dirty and undeserving of God's forgiveness. And this created a huge distance between me and God.

That was until I realised something:

"We forgive others out of love, not out of the level or depth of hurt. Just as we were forgiven out of love.

And we love regardless of if others deserve it. Just as we were loved when we least deserved it."

Learn to forgive other, and it will make it easier for you to accept forgiveness from others and also from yourself.

WITH LOVE...

Mbuelo Ramafamba

IT IS OKAY TO PUT YOURSELF FIRST

Throughout life, we meet people. Sometimes we meet people and fall deeply in love. We let go of ourselves. We neglect ourselves to make sure the other person is taken care of. We go all out to make the person happy. But we forget one thing; we cannot control the other person. And this is where all the problems starts.

We often neglect even our dreams or to dedicate time to build ourselves because we do not want to rob the other person of our time. But sometimes the other person doesn't even care. We may do all we do, but at the end of the day, we should never have expectations.

In fact it would be very wise to put ourselves first. In this current generation, putting someone first is one of the biggest mistake a person can make. It doesn't matter how much you love a person, but putting them first is a big mistake. When you put someone first, they start feeling entitled to all that you give, and eventually start taking you for granted. It is very unhealthy.

Take time to work on yourself. Put yourself first and make sure you work hard towards your dreams. The fastest way to destroy yourself is to put someone else first. Because no one will put you first.
It doesn't matter if it is a friend, or a partner. Put yourself first. Save yourself all the pain.

WITH LOVE...

THE SHADOW MAY BE HUGE, BUT YOUR FEAR SHOULDN'T

Life throws at us all sort of curve balls. Many situations arise each and every day against us. Some bring fear. Some bring despair. Some seem very real. And for some, we see through the act. There are days when we can easily overcome mountains and there are days when we tremble and lose hope at the sight of some mountains. We often look at the inclines, cliffs and edgy parts of the stones and then think of how things could go wrong. We lose sight on what could go right.

Most of the things we face in this life are just shadows. I would love to believe everything is in fact just a shadow. No matter how big it may be, it is all a shadow. And the trick that life plays on us, is that very often, the shadow isn't a true reflection of it's owner. There's a lot of trickery involved in the whole thing. Many shadows seem very huge while the force behind it is very tiny.

Before running away from a shadow, first find out its source. Many times you will be surprised when you find out it is a very tiny force. Do not always assume that a problem is huge because fro far it looks huge. Get closer and dissect it. Get deeper into it and understand it. Only when you focus on the source, will shadows stop making you tremble.

The shadow may be huge, but your fear shouldn't.

WITH LOVE...
Mbuelo Ramafamba

Broken Souls Break Souls

It is a world of broken souls
You break me I break you
They get me I get you
And the breaking continues

Tears keep flowing each day
And the water the tree of hate
Hate and vengeful thinking
And the tree bears fruits of pain
Which someone else will have to swallow

Why can't the tears water hope
Why not bring new life from them
Why not end the chain of sorrow

I guess it is true
Broken souls break souls
And break themselves more while at it

PUT IT ALL DOWN AND UNDO THE DAMAGE

It has been long since I last posted. And a lot has happened since. I have come to realise something that has been holding me back for so long that might also be holding some of you. The Past. Many of us who have been through painful times at the hands of someone, may think we have moved on and feel like we have moved on. In our minds, we are convinced we have moved on because we no longer think of the past.We feel we have moved on because we no longer sit down and cry about it.

However, this is a very deadly trap that will always have the past repeating itself. The reality is that, letting go of the past is not just about letting go of the pain and the memories of someone or something. One can completely forget about all these and leave them behind, while having not moved on. The biggest sign for me, was in my failure to appreciate what I currently had in life. As much as I had forgotten about the past and "moved on", there was something that was still wrong with me. When we experience things in our life, they change who we are for better or for worse. When you go through a bad experience, there is a lot that happens to your character and sense of being, which often remains behind long after we have forgotten about the painful experiences. And it is this, that was making me not realise what I had.

Due to past transgressions by others against me, my faith in humanity was very low. And as much as I had moved on, I hadn't fixed the damage that was done. It took me making mistakes and close calls with death, to realise that I needed to reflect on my life and what I had. It was then that I realised that as much as I thought I had moved on, I hadn't fixed the damage done by the past. And this is the one thing haunting many of us today. We try to forget about painful experiences and think we have moved on, while having not fixed the damage done. Some major signs of having not moved on include insecurities, lack of self-esteem/self-worth, settling etc. When you find yourself having "moved on", but without the same lively spirit that you had before, it is a sign that you have forgotten but not moved on.

Take off the memories, pains, damage and experiences you go through. Make sure you undo all the damage. Do not let it change who you are. Take it all off and leave it in the past. Only then will you experience the true freedom of moving on. 

WITH LOVE...
Mbuelo Ramafamba

BE KIND AND PRAY TO NOT BE A HASHTAG

Early this morning on my way to work, something happened that made me realise that often times we forget about true happiness and peace. In the quest to reach month end and feel financially secure, we sometimes forget how short life is. We forget that any day we can lose it all.

In South Africa, where crime is out of control, we are constantly reminded that it is all grace that we make it back home each day in one piece. Take time out today to appreciate those you love and those around you. Be kind to everyone, it won't cost you a single cent. In fact it will reward you with peace.

Each and every day when I walk through Johannesburg in the mornings and after work, I always pray that I make it back home unharmed, both emotionally and physically. Back in February, I went through a terrifying experience. Each day I give thanks for the life I have and I remind everyone how much they mean to me, because I have no idea as when I may walk out the door and never walk back.

Each day I pray that I am safe and never become a hashtag. It is sad seeing #JusticeForSuchAndSuch almost every week. I hope to never become a #JusticeForMbueloRamafamba.

Lord help us and keep us safe.

WITH LOVE...
Mbuelo Ramafamba