I have recently been going through a lot. The transition from March to April, is always a season that really hits me hard all the time. April 13th is also my birthday. I get very anxious during this time, especially the week before my birthday. Many terrible things have happened during this time, so it is one of those. In 2016, I was diagnosed with anxiety and borderline personality disorder (BPD), just a week after my 21st birthday. What a birthday gift, haha. And today I just wanted to share how I've managed to cope and manage my condition through prayer.
It wasn't easy at first, as I was asking myself many questions. I knew and felt it before that something was wrong, but not that kind of wrong. It wasn't easy for me to accept it, because I kept asking why me. Looking at the medical prescription just made me feel like I was living in a nightmare. Then came the weight gain, which meant I had to get new clothes. The problems kept piling up. It was one day when I was reading my bible that I had an aha moment. I was reading Psalm 23, and when I got to verse 5, a voice inside of me arose with a very difficult question. "He prepares a table before you in the presence of your enemies, but where are you?", the voice asked.
It dawned on me that many of us like to quote that verse, yet we are nowhere near where the table is. We say it all the time but do not understand that we have to go where God is in order to enjoy the feast. We want to be out in the rain, in the world of sin, and just magically have a table prepared for us just because we quote the verse. But the reality is we have to go back to the house of God and be where the table is. We have been chosen as royals deserving of a royal table, yet we venture the streets like common man and wonder why we cannot see the table.
It was at this moment that I found my inspiration to write my first book titled "Return Home: The Shepherd Awaits". You can find it on the top right of this blog if you want a copy. I must also confess, that I didn't think I could do it, and it took me a whole year and a half to finish writing the book. Each time I tried writing, the devil would remind me of my sinful past and my guilt would stop me. But I finally got to understand the great sacrifice, which was Christ, and how His blood renewed us and brought us back from sin. The truth is, God is waiting for us so we can come back home and feast with him. He wants us to go to Him with a repentant heart, and to pray with faith. Whenever you feel lost, always ask yourself how close you are to God. If you realise you are not close, repent at that very moment and return home. Repent at that very moment and ask God to draw you close. God loves a repentant heart and is ready to forgive us and renew our lives. Just go and read these verses for confirmation of His love.
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